


Robots Are a Girl's Best Friend

by burglebezzlement



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Sci-Fi Elements, Small Wonder fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 16:26:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10222457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burglebezzlement/pseuds/burglebezzlement
Summary: The knocking on the door begins at one a.m., and it doesn’t let up until Veronica stumbles out of bed, bleary-eyed, to answer it.When Veronica swings open the door, Cheryl’s standing there. Her hair’s flowing loose down her back in red waves, and she’s wearing a long white gown, trimmed with lace and dripping with ribbon.She’s also holding a butcher knife.





	

The knocking on the door begins at one a.m., and it doesn’t let up until Veronica stumbles out of bed, bleary-eyed, to answer it.

When Veronica swings open the door, Cheryl’s standing there. Her hair’s flowing loose down her back in red waves, and she’s wearing a long white gown, trimmed with lace and dripping with ribbon. 

She’s also holding a butcher knife.

“Is Polly here?” Cheryl asks.

Veronica’s frozen for a moment, because hello, Riverdale moment. Veronica is getting tired of Riverdale moments. (She should run. A smart person would run now, right? Or at least ring for Smithers.)

“Cheryl?” Veronica keeps her voice even. “What’s up with the butcher knife, girl?”

“Oh, this?” Cheryl looks down at it, and then smiles. Her teeth are brilliantly white. “I need to see Polly.”

“At one in the morning?” Veronica’s, like, so not the _perishing valiantly_ type, but she’s got her best friend’s pregnant sister to think of. If there’s anyone whose pregnant sister Veronica would die for, it’d be Betty’s. 

“I think she’s asleep,” Veronica says. “Can you come back tomorrow?”

“I need to protect her.” Cheryl says it like it’s obvious. Like of course that’s what the head of the River Vixens is doing here at one in the morning. Protecting the pregnant chick. Sure.

Before Veronica can come up with an argument against it, Cheryl’s slipping past her, the butcher knife held casually in her hands, like a clutch purse that just happens to be super-stabby.

“So I don’t think we should wake our guest right now,” Veronica says, following behind Cheryl, but Cheryl waves the hand that isn't holding a knife and just keeps walking.

She heads directly to Polly’s room. It’s like she’s been there before. 

“You can go now,” she says, turning back to Veronica.

“No way, knife girl.” Veronica’s got her cell phone. She’s got 911 dialed and her finger’s on send as Cheryl opens the door.

Inside the guest bedroom, Polly’s sitting up on the bed, her bare feet curled up against the raw silk of the duvet cover. Her hair’s loose on her shoulders. She looks younger than Betty, wrapped in Veronica’s mother’s nightgown, her pregnant belly the only large part of her.

“I wondered if you’d come,” Polly says. “JJ told me, but I never believed him. But it’s true, isn’t it?”

Cheryl puts the knife down on the dresser. Veronica feels a little bit of tension go out of her shoulders, and lets her phone hand relax.

“JJ told me the code to activate you,” Polly says. “In case I ever got into trouble, and he couldn’t get there to help me. That’s why you told us about your parents, isn’t it?”

“Can I?” Cheryl doesn’t wait for Polly to answer, just puts her hand gently on Polly’s stomach.  “This little guy or girl is as close to JJ as I’m going to get.”

“And you need to protect him,” Polly says, gently. She puts her hand over Cheryl’s hand. “I understand.”

“I don’t,” Veronica says, from the doorway. “What’s going on here?”

Polly’s the one who answers. “Cheryl’s a robot,” she says. 

“No.” Veronica crosses her arms. “No. I call no way. Not even in Riverdale.”

“It’s true.” Cheryl doesn’t look away from Polly.

“No way,” Veronica says. “Aren’t robots supposed to be, like, emotionless?”

“We are not.” Cheryl shakes her long red hair. “The Blossoms have been heavily invested in technology for years. I was part of a test project. The project got scrapped, but Clifford Blossom decided that I could serve a purpose. Protecting his son.” 

Cheryl’s still not looking away from Polly’s belly, and Veronica is getting mega-creepy vibes here. _Although it would explain how Clifford and Penelope treat Cheryl,_ she thinks, and suddenly she wonders if boarding school was code for shutting Cheryl off. Putting her in a closet or something. _No,_ Veronica thinks. _I refuse to just buy into this._

“Prove it,” Veronica says. “I’m not going to let you worm into my best friend’s sister’s life by pretending to be her robot bodyguard. If you’re really Jason Blossom’s robot sister, prove it.”

Cheryl tears her eyes away from Polly’s belly and makes eye contact with Veronica. “Whatever,” she says. She starts lifting her hair and bending her neck and _ew_ , ohmigod, that should not be possible —

“I’m not totally a robot,” Cheryl says, like opening up the skin on the side of her neck to reveal a bunch of blinking lights isn’t like totally weird. “CHERYL stands for Created Humanoid, Electronic Rational Lifeform.”

Veronica blinks. “Your name has a Y in it, girl.”

“Yeah, Daddy Dearest wasn’t so great with the acronym generators.” Cheryl lets her neck snap back into place, which is both _deeply disturbing_ and a huge improvement on having to look at it the way it was before. “Not that you’d know anything about disappointing fathers, Veronica Lodge.”

“Wait,” Veronica says. “Were you, like, literally programmed to be a Mean Girl?”

“Whatever kept JJ safe.” Cheryl turns back to Polly and leans into Polly’s belly. “And now we’re going to keep you safe,” she coos. “Yes, yes we are.”

Veronica just watches for a moment. Cheryl, the murderous Mean Girl robot, bent over Betty’s sister like one of the nurses on that British show about baby nurses. 

Cheryl keeps cooing to Polly’s belly until Polly yawns widely.

Cheryl turns to Veronica. “So what does a girl have to do to get some electricity around here?” 

“We have outlets,” Veronica snaps. “Help yourself.”

“I will, thanks,” Cheryl says, throwing her hair back over her back. “I’m going to be staying here now. Just to protect Polly and the baby, you understand.”

“Can I stop you?” Veronica asks.

Cheryl’s eyes flash. “You wouldn’t want to try.”

 _Maybe not,_ Veronica thinks. 

She takes a step back and shuts off the light. Polly looks half-asleep, curled up on top of the comforter. In the darkness, Veronica can see Cheryl’s eyes, pulsing softly as she charges.

Tomorrow morning, Veronica’s going to have to figure out how to explain to her mom that they’ve suddenly gotten another house guest. This one a maybe-murdery-robot. Maybe. (Veronica hopes not.)

Veronica shakes her head and shuts the guest room door. _Only in Riverdale._


End file.
